:::mandy dawson:::

Dan is away on a trip to Kansas City for medical school.  I'm taking care of Zeke tonight by myself.  My mom stayed with me and has been helping during the day.  I miss Dan.  He'll be home tonight.

I have mastitis.  Zeke lost all of the weight he regained after birth and is back down to his discharge weight.  I breastfeed this child all day long now with the help of darvocet for my trashed breasts.  Eleven hours yesterday and he only gained one ounce. I feel overwhelmed and discouraged.  Poor Zeke.  God help us.

For the first time since his birth, I put Zeke in my peanut shell carrier.  Oh, how I have longed to wear him and go for a walk or do something normal.  Normalcy has eluded us in the midst of marathon breastfeeding.  Somehow, I stole a few moments today to try it out and oddly enough, I felt so happy.  He loved it in there and went right to sleep.  I adored having him right there on my chest.  I kept staring at his sweet face peering up at me and it thrilled my heart.  How nice to have a bright moment in the midst of all the other struggle.  Pray for us.  I know we'll make it through eventually, but this battle is wearing on me.

Speaking of battles--Holy Spirit spoke to Dan and said, "Do not underestimate the battles I will fight for this baby." That was during a bout with jaundice.  So, that explains to you why I continue to use the word battle.  It also reminds me of God's promise.  He has never failed us.  I must lean into Him for His strength as I have not my own.  His strength is perfect, though...

Here's me and Lil Zekie in his peanut shell...

Isn't he cute?