:::mandy dawson:::

I don't write in this journal anymore.  I thought I would when we were ready to try, again, or when I was pregnant, again.  But, somehow these words are forever tied with the little one we lost in August.  I call him William, because I had a dream of a baby boy with that name two days before the positive pregnancy test.

I am pregnant, again, and I do pray for this baby, but it's different somehow.  I am very overwhelmed with emotion, but much less verbose.  Sometimes my prayers are as basic as "Oh, God, let this baby live."  I'm learning that God hears and honors the cries of my heart, and maybe He understands them as sometimes I don't myself.

I'm leaving this blog up even though it is inactive because many people have passed this way searching for prayers for the unborn or prayers during miscarriage.  I do hope that you will find your heart filled with comfort, peace and hope, again in the knowledge that God is always good.

Many blessings,

Mandy 

Psalm 61

 1 Hear my cry, O God;
         Attend to my prayer.
 2 From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
         When my heart is overwhelmed;
         Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
         
 3 For You have been a shelter for me,
         A strong tower from the enemy.
 4 I will abide in Your tabernacle forever;
         I will trust in the shelter of Your wings.  Selah  
         
 5 For You, O God, have heard my vows;
         You have given me the heritage of those who fear Your name.
 6 You will prolong the king’s life,
         His years as many generations.
 7 He shall abide before God forever.
         Oh, prepare mercy and truth, which may preserve him!
         
 8 So I will sing praise to Your name forever,
         That I may daily perform my vows.

My heart is still drawn to the words of Jesus.  "Do not be afraid. Only believe."  We have put our hope, faith and trust in You, Jesus.  We believe it is Your will to heal our baby and cause him to grow--to live and not die.  We rest, now knowing everything is in Your control.  Thank You for peace.  I pray that You would bless us with Your presence this weekend giving us comfort and strength.  We continue to draw near to Your flame of love and against hope believe in hope for our baby. 

Mark 5:36 As soon as Jesus heard the word that was spoken, He said to the ruler of the synagogue, “Do not be afraid; only believe.”

God, these words of Jesus are still resounding in me.   As I have meditated on them, I can picture Jesus with me saying those words to me.  I realize just how loving and kind Jesus is.  The simplicity of Your words, Jesus has captured my heart, and I want to say to You that I believe.  I feel as though I am taking Your hand that is outstreched towards me as You say, "Do not be afraid; only believe."  I grasp Your hand and am filled with peace and hope believing that You are with me.  You will not leave my side as I take every step each day--You are there.  "Do not be afraid; only believe."  You are with me.  Tangible.  Pwerful.  Transforming me.  Giving me peace and joy.  Joy!  How could this be that I might feel joy during a time like this?  I ask myself why I feel joy, and I know that more of You, Jesus, has been revealed to me.  With those simple words, my spirit and soul latched on and the truth filled me with the revelation of You. 

So, tonight, I thank You from the depths of my soul for Your overwhelming presence and peace.  And, I say to You, I will not be afraid--only because You are with me.  And, I believe in You.  I believe.  I believe You are healing our baby and sustaining his life.  I believe, Jesus.  I believe because I am knowing who You are, I believe.